Fifty Pieces
by Vinnie K
Summary: A dull throb will remain at the pit of her heart because of him, but now she is okay with that. She likes it. -- Some relationships are worth the heartache. Mark/Lexie AU, with some Lexie/Jackson friendship. High T, but not explicit
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Lyrics used belong to The All-American Rejects.

**A/N:** I was actually working on this before the spoilers concerning Mark/Lexie came out and I thought about changing this around to suit the spoilers but yeah, I can't do that because I refuse to acknowledge them. It just…This isn't character growth; this is shooting our favorite couple to Hell. Anyway, I will not rant.

This is going to be in two parts and I think this is pretty much AU because it doesn't follow any particular storyline in the show, and Sloane hasn't arrived so…Yeah. Anyway, please, let me know what you think! (:

* * *

They have a fight.

It's stupid really (and he's going to regret it later) but for now, he storms out, not caring that she's left in the room alone, her tears seeping through her skin, because right now, it's _her_ fault. It is her fault he can't control his words because it's her damn fault she's so insecure.

It's not his fault that she won't listen to him, that she won't trust what he tells her.

It is her fault he is here.

It is Lexie's fault he knocks on her door, the sound vibrating through the quiet hallway.

It is her fault, of course, that he storms in, the door left open behind him as he crashes into her, his lips finding hers instantly.

Of course, it's always Lexie's fault.

* * *

She's drunk and upset and when he kisses her, when his tongue forces itself into her mouth, she doesn't think about the consequences. She doesn't think that she has other responsibilities. She doesn't think about her girlfriend, alone and upset, on the other side of the road. All she thinks about is him, the feel of his hands under her shirt and his hard body against her. Because that's all that matters, him, her, them in the darkened room, the only light coming from the hallway outside.

She thinks briefly, as he bites down on her lip, that she should really shut the front door. But there he is again, his tongue sweeping against hers, and she forgets about the open door, she forgets that she has a girlfriend and that he has a girlfriend. She forgets that this is wrong because right now, it feels right, it feels raw and hot and perfect.

And so, she forgets.

* * *

His breath is heavy as he kisses beneath her ear and pushes her shirt over her head. Next off is her bra, his shirt, and then simultaneously they unbutton their jeans, both hitting the floor at the same time.

They are against the wall next to the door and unwilling to wait, he pushes into her and her gasp is different to what he's used to, something he hasn't heard in so long and it produces an odd feeling within him. Later he will realize that it was guilt but for now, he ignores the feeling and pushes forward, drives into her with so much force he's surprised she doesn't break through the wall.

It's over far too quickly for their liking but they don't do it again. Instead, she moves away from him slowly.

He knows he should apologize (for a lot more things than just being rough with her) but he doesn't.

Instead he picks up his clothes and gets dressed and tells himself that he was right for doing this. Because, after all, it was _her_ fault he did it.

It was _her_ fault he just had sex with someone that wasn't _her_ and it was _her_ fault that he felt no remorse.

* * *

When Lexie sees him, she doesn't know how to react.

Frozen into place she watches as Callie runs her hand over his chest and they stare at each other for a moment and he murmurs something and she murmurs a response and Lexie is too far away to hear but she is sure the words exchanged are important, because before she has time to prepare herself, he is leaning down and suddenly his lips are on Callie's and it only takes her a second before she breaks, her heart shattering to the floor, her body soon following.

* * *

The noise alerts them to someone else in the hallway.

Mark sees Lexie on the floor, her hands scrambling to pick up the items that had fallen out of her bag when she had dropped to her knees. He knows he should move, he knows he should do something, he should tear himself away from Callie, rip his body and heart and soul away from the woman who used to control him, but he can't.

He doesn't know what to do.

Frozen, numb, unable to comprehend the fact that she must have seen him…them…

_Fuck._

The thought jolts him into movement and although he hears Callie sigh and close the door behind him, Mark doesn't think twice about her. Lexie was all that mattered now.

"Here…" He murmurs, his voice hoarse and rough and heavy with guilt. He hands her the hand cream that has fallen from her bag.

Her whole body stiffens when she sees his outstretched hand and before he can react, she has jolted up and was already backing away from him. Slowly, Mark gets up, the hand cream hanging loosely in his hand. She looks terrified and crushed and a million other things that Mark caused.

"Lex…"

She winces when he whispers her name and he sees the tears trail down her face as she shakily places her handbag over her shoulder. Gripping her coat closer to her body, her voice trembles when she says, "I can't do this."

And with that, she breaks.

* * *

After she has left, her body shaking, her soft cries echoing in the hallway, Mark finds himself sitting outside his apartment. He can't go in of course, the reminders of Lexie are too apparent and far too heartbreaking for him to face. But he can't approach Callie either.

The shame and guilt is eating him alive.

He can't speak to Derek because that was just a lecture waiting to happen. Without Lexie, Derek or Callie, Mark realizes that he has no-one.

He doesn't know what hurts more, the loneliness or the guilt.

* * *

Lexie stares at Meredith's door for a good five minutes, unsure of whether or not she should go in. Although she was sure Meredith would be accepting, she also knew her sister and her husband well. They were going to lecture her. They would remind her that Mark would never change, that this was who he was. That this was the longest he had ever gone without cheating or hurting someone. It should be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

When she raises her hand to knock on the door, something pulls her back. She can't do this. People, she can't face people. Not yet. Not when her wounds were open and her heart was bleeding.

She needed to be alone.

* * *

He sees her on the floor, her knees up against her chest, and she is staring off into space as the tears roll down her face.

Approaching her slowly, unsure of himself, he wonders briefly if he should just turn around. Surely, him being here was an invasion of privacy but for some reason this thought doesn't stop him. Silently, he sits down on the bench in front of her and after a moment of watching her hiccup softly, he says, "Hey."

When she doesn't look up or show any signs of recognition, Jackson sighs and is about to stand up and leave when her soft voice breaks the silence.

"He cheated on me."

She blinks and as more tears fall, Lexie murmurs, "With his gay best friend." Her face scrunches up and her words are sharp when she says, "How _wrong_ is that? He just…" Her bottom lip trembles and unable to control it, a sob escapes her mouth with the words, "He _cheated_ on me."

Jackson doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know why he is in here because really, they weren't friends and he didn't care about her in any way. He was still an outsider (he probably always will be) and she didn't particularly like him. But as he walked by the locker room, he had spotted her on the floor, and his first instinct was that perhaps she needed help, perhaps she was hurt.

Well, she was definitely hurt.

Just not in a way that Jackson thinks he can fix.

Jackson sighs as he watches Lexie take a deep, shaky breath. When he had moved into the room, and noticed she was crying, he should have left.

He wasn't good with women and tears but instead, he stayed because she was upset and there was something wrong and although she may not like him, he found her…_interesting_. She amused him, with her crazy logic and hardcore ways. He doesn't quite know why that mattered now, but it had contributed to why he was in here with her, trying to find something to say that would comfort her.

Luckily for him, he didn't need to say anything because Lexie suddenly looks up at him, her eyes wide and dazed as she says, "He cheated on me. He…He, he slept with _Callie_ and, and…I gave him _everything_. I, I _trusted_ him and I…he was the one that I…He was…" She breaks off suddenly, and she frowns hard as anger shoots through her. "He said I was different. And, and I thought I was different because for once, he saw _me_. He really saw who I was. He didn't care that I'm not the prettiest or sexiest or, or…Before him, there was no-one that knew how I…"

She stops abruptly and it looks as if she is ready to punch someone because when she opens her mouth, the words shoot out of her like daggers. "_God_. I let him convince me that he had changed. I-I thought I changed him but no, he's still the same whore he's always been. God, how can I have been so _stupid_? Why am I so fucking stupid?"

Although he is initially shocked at her use of language, Jackson recovers quickly and says, "You're not stupid."

Of course, that is the wrong thing to say because her eyes narrow instantly and she hisses, "And how do you know that? Why are you even here?"

He ignores her last question and says, "You're not stupid for wanting to put your faith in someone else. You love him, of course you trusted him. You did nothing wrong. He's the stupid one for cheating on you."

Lexie calms immediately and her eyes are steady on his when she simply (and a lot more calmly) replies, "Thank you."

And that is all that is said between them before she begins to cry again. After a minute, he moves and sits down next to her. After another minute or two, his hand reaches out to cover hers and he rubs comforting patterns on her skin because he realizes that although they may not have known each other for long, Jackson already knew that Lexie Grey was probably the most kind-hearted, intelligent, interesting person he would ever have the privilege to meet and there was no reason why she deserved to be treated like this.

* * *

When Mark walks past the locker room and sees her on the floor, Jackson's arms now wrapped safely around her, fury rages through him and he wants to crash into the room and drag the little punk to his feet.

But he doesn't.

He holds back because Lexie is asleep and Jackson looks peaceful and at least, Mark thinks, someone is there for her.

Someone that could give her what she wanted.

Mark realizes that he is too screwed up to ever have a real relationship.

Too bad he realized this when it was too late.

He had already found the love of his life, and now, he could never have her.

* * *

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks of sleeping on Meredith's couch because the attic held too many memories for Lexie. Two weeks of ducking behind walls when either of them comes into view at the other end of the hallway, two weeks of feeling drained and faint and avoiding being on their services.

After two weeks, Lexie thinks she should be capable of dealing with this. She is a grown woman; she should not be jumping into store closets in order to avoid her boy–_ex_-boyfriend.

But when she sees them together at the end of the hallway, her heart stops and Lexie feels all the life drain away.

She couldn't do this.

Even after two weeks, she couldn't do this.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

But then, before Lexie has the chance to run, Mark walks away and Lexie is left to stare at Callie who seems a lot more drained compared to the last time she had seen her.

Neither of them notices her.

Of course, she thinks dryly, because everything has regressed backwards and once again, Lexie Grey is invisible.

Suddenly, Lexie wonders if Arizona knows.

She hasn't heard anything. Lexie had been so consumed with how this ordeal affected her that she hadn't taken the time to consider Arizona's feelings.

The thoughts cause a surge of rage to hit her.

They didn't deserve this. Arizona didn't deserve to be pushed and shoved to the side because of a cheap fuck, and neither did she.

With a new flare of life, Lexie turns around and storms in the direction of Peads.

* * *

"I'm giving her time to think about what she's done."

Lexie blinks rapidly at Arizona, the woman's calm response causing Lexie to pay full attention. "How…" She breaks off as she shakes her head. "Why are you so calm about this?" Suddenly, her arms are flying in the air and Lexie leans in, her body demonstrating her outrage for her. "They cheated on us! Th-They…God, why are you so calm? Why are you acting as if this doesn't matter because they had sex with each other, they didn't care that they had partners because they fucking ch–"

When Arizona's hand slams down onto the table, Lexie stops abruptly.

Slowly, Arizona turns to face Lexie, the burn of tears glazing her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she looks down briefly before glancing up at Lexie, her back rigid. "Because, Grey, they had their reasons, and don't look at me like that because I am not saying what they did was _right_, it was so, _so_ wrong, but I'm trying to be understanding here because they had their reasons, as messed up as they were, they had their reasons and there is no use in going over this again because…" She breaks off and sighs, "Just give them time."

They stand in silence for a moment, Lexie unsure of what to say before a thought occurs to her and although she is trying not to cry, the emotion slips into her voice as she chokes, "So…It's _our_ fault?"

Arizona shakes her head and sadly wipes away the tears that have slipped down her face. "No. No, I'm not saying that. But in their mind they had their reasons, whether or not the reasons to cheat involved us or not…Well, we don't know that yet." She shrugs and tries to smile. "We just have to wait until they realize that they still want us."

Her words cause Lexie to take a step back. "And…you're just going to accept her _back_?" Her voice is low and hoarse and Lexie begins to shake her head slowly, the thoughts running through her mind completely absurd. "After what she did to you, you're just going to accept her back? You…You're going to _forgive_ her?"

When Lexie takes another step away from her, Arizona sighs and looks at her dejectedly. "Yes," she whispers, her voice heavy with unshed tears. "I love her Lexie, and I'm not throwing that away because I can work through this." She sniffs and tries to look anywhere besides Lexie's shiny, bright eyes. "I know we can work through this and call me crazy, but I want to have faith in her. I need to do this because…She is the best thing that has happened to me in so long and if forgiving her means I get to be with her for longer, then so be it." Finally, Arizona looks at Lexie and when their eyes meet, Arizona whispers, "If she still wants me, I'm taking her back."

Lexie stares at Arizona, her eyes not giving away to the fact her heart is slowly breaking again, and after a moment, she slowly says, "I guess, it's your choice."

Arizona nods and sighs, before she runs a hand over her face. Although she tries to smile, it doesn't quite reach her eyes when she says, "When he comes back to you, I hope you give him a chance, Grey, because we've all seen the way he looks at you. He loves you so much and if he's sorry, if he says he's truly sorry, then believe him."

Turning around, Arizona gathers her files from the desk behind her before she sighs and walks towards the door. When Arizona approaches Lexie, she touches her arm and smiles slightly before gently squeezing Lexie's arm.

"Have faith in him, Lexie," Arizona murmurs as Lexie looks up at her, her eyes wide and her breath stuck in her throat. Arizona averts her eyes and despite her dejected voice, she whispers, "Have faith."

* * *

_It's a new day  
It's a bright day  
It's just that  
You've been broken  
...fifty pieces_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Merely borrowing.

**A/N:** I'd like to thank everyone who read, reviewed and added this to their alerts and favorites, it means a lot (: Remember me saying this would be a two shot? Well, turns out it is _way_ too long for that, so it's going to be split up into 3 or 4 chapters. But that's it. I was supposed to keep this _short_, though I have to admit, Mark/Lexie and a dose of Jackson is far too addictive to stick to only two chapters! Anyway, let me know what you think! (:

* * *

"I need a drink."

Jackson smirks when he hears Lexie's familiar squeak and before she can order, he slides over her regular that he had kept ready for her.

He knew she would arrive, sooner or later.

Their meetings at Joe had become quite a regular occurrence.

Neither of them knows why or how exactly it began, but nearly every night after their shifts, they found themselves sitting at the bar, talking about everything from her relationship problems to his childhood.

Lexie smiles as she slides onto the barstool next to him, and for the first time that day, it is a genuine smile. Taking a sip, she looks at him and groans slightly. "I don't know what to do." Looking down at her drink, she sighs and then quietly asks, "Do you think I should take him back?"

At first, he doesn't react. His face is calm and it appears that he is in deep thought. And then he says, "If it's what you really want then, yeah. Take him back."

His answer doesn't seem to satisfy Lexie and she frowns. "I-I don't know what I want. I don't know anything anymore." She stirs her drink aimlessly, the red straw slipping easily through her fingers, before she asks, "What would you do? If your girlfriend cheated on you, what would you do?"

Jackson shrugs and takes a swig of his beer. "It depends."

"On what?"

Looking down at her, he shows no emotion as he silently analyzes her. "On if I really love her," he says, his voice low. "If I could see a future with her, waking up every day to her and only her…If I could see that, then I'd forgive her. If I thought that what we had really was true then…" He lets himself trail off and when Lexie averts her eyes from his, he smiles gently before taking another swig of beer. "It's up to you, Grey. If you think you can handle it, then take him back. Take him back and forget about it because if you keep thinking about this, it's going to eat you alive."

"And we wouldn't want that," Lexie responds darkly, a slight pout forming on her lips.

Jackson chuckles and smirks. "No, we wouldn't." They sit in silence, each of them sipping away at their drinks, before Jackson announces, "You need to talk."

Lexie frowns and her words are fumbled as she responds. "Oh, sorry. I just thought…I just…Had nothing else to say."

"Not to me," Jackson says as he laughs. "To Sloan. You need to talk to him."

The thought causes Lexie's heart to lurch and immediately she shakes her head. "No."

"Grey…"

"I can't."

Jackson rolls his eyes. "You're being dramatic."

"I don't care!" Lexie shakes her head again and quickly takes a drink. "I can't do that. I-I, I _can't_."

"You've been avoiding him for weeks. You need to talk."

"But–"

"Lexie," Jackson says, his voice stern. "You've been bitching and moaning to me for ages and you know, with any other girl I would gladly listen because listening guarantees sex but with you, the sex isn't going to happen so unless you talk to Sloan and sort this shit out, it means I've been wasting my time and I hate wasting my time." Finishing off his beer and slamming the bottle down on the bar top, Jackson turns and looks at Lexie defiantly. "Talk to him. Now."

So many things rush through Lexie's mind at once and before she has time to process each one, she blurts out, "Why isn't the sex happening with me?"

This catches Jackson off guard and instantly, he frowns at her. "What?"

Lexie shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. "The, the…er, the sex," she says, her cheeks now flaming red, and there is a voice in her head that is telling her to stop talking–to stop talking right now, stop it, stop it because you're just digging yourself a hole–but she's already started and if she stops now he will think more of this than it really is.

Lexie clears her throat awkwardly, and nervously asks, "Why won't the sex happen with me? I-In any similar situation the sex would have happened by now but, but why not now? Why, why…" When she catches him glare at her, Lexie stops and groans in dismay.

Jackson watches as she covers her face with her hands and when she mutters an apology from behind her hands, he takes another drink from his beer. When Joe passes, he indicates for another bottle. "Lexie," Jackson starts, his voice low, careful and calculated. "Are you asking me why I haven't had sex with you?"

From underneath her hands, her tiny voice squeaks, "No."

Shaking his head in disbelief, a small smile quirks the end of his lips. Lexie Grey certainly was different from any another woman he had met. Granted, she was slightly crazy and neurotic but over the last couple of weeks, Jackson has found himself warming to her stutter and inappropriate outbursts.

"I don't know why I haven't slept with you." He glances at her from the corner of his eye and adds, "Maybe it's because I'm crazy because you certainly aren't bad to look at, Grey."

Despite the fire that tinges her cheeks, Lexie ducks her head and murmurs another apology. "I'm sorry, that wasn't appropriate, I don't know what comes over me at times." Sighing, Lexie runs a hand through her hair before she looks at her watch. Her shoulders slump slightly and she begins to stand up. "I better go."

Jackson waits until Joe has placed his beer down on the counter before he turns to look up at Lexie. "Are you going to talk to him?"

"I don't know," Lexie sighs as she gives a halfhearted shrug.

"You should."

She avoids eye contact when she replies, "I know."

Jackson nods slowly, a knowing smile on his lips, before he turns back to his drink. "See you tomorrow, Lex."

"Yeah…" Lexie stares at him for a moment, watching in silent fascinating as his muscles flex when he raises his beer bottle to his lips. Quickly averting her eyes, Lexie grabs her bag from the counter and slips it onto her shoulder. "Bye, Jackson."

* * *

Mark doesn't know what to do when he opens his door, ready to shout at whoever is on the other side, only to see Lexie staring at him. Of course, she looks stunning with rosy cheeks and messy hair and bags underneath her eyes. Mark opens the door wider and for a moment, words escape him because he is too busy taking in everything about her. Everything he has missed. The way she holds onto the strap of her bag and shifts her weight from either leg in an agitated manner, the way her eyes are large and nervous and reveal everything that she is feeling despite her best efforts to stop that from happening.

Fuck, he's missed her.

"Hi," he says, his voice slightly raspy. He is about to continue when her soft voice stops him.

"Can I come in?"

He jerks out of the way and mutters a quick, "Yeah…Sure."

Mark watches as she walks through the door, careful not to touch him. She stops in the middle of the apartment, and he knows she is taking in everything about it, noticing that despite the lack of her presence, nothing has changed. Hopefully, Mark thinks as he shuts the door, she will realize that nothing has changed because he doesn't want to get rid of her. He doesn't want to erase anything, because he still wants her.

And now, maybe, he could have her.

Mark scratches the back of his neck nervously and asks, "Er, can I get you…"

"I'm fine."

Mark shouldn't be surprised by her sharp voice. "Okay." He stares at her, momentarily lost in her presence before he moves forward. "How…how have you been?"

Lexie doesn't turn around when she shrugs. "Honestly?" She asks, her voice low. "I feel like crap, Mark." Lexie takes a deep breath before she turns around, her arms firmly crossed over her chest. Her head tilts to one side as she stares at him and whispers, "You?"

"Similar."

They stare at each other, neither blinking, until Lexie abruptly nods. "Good," she says, determination shining through her voice. "Good."

"Lexie…"

"No," Lexie says quickly and she unfolds her arms, allowing them to drop to her sides loosely. "I want to do the talking."

Mark nods and he dimly registers the fact that they are still standing in the middle of his apartment. He wants to invite her to sit down but instead he merely replies, "Okay."

"Okay," Lexie repeats under her breath before she looks at the floor. "Okay…" Licking her lips nervously, Lexie suddenly looks up at him and tries to keep her eyes from showing the pain that still eats away at her when she chokes out, "You cheated on me."

And finally, with the words hanging between them, it becomes real.

Images flash before them and Lexie can see the hurt shine through him when he shakes his head in dismay. She used to think seeing the pain and regret would instantly wipe away her anger, but being here now, it only proved to intensify the lingering hate for the man in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Mark says, keeping his voice low and with the raw emotion showing like open wounds, they both knew he was speaking the truth; they both knew he meant it but something was still holding Lexie back.

It couldn't be this easy.

Nodding her head slowly, Lexie carefully murmurs, "Right." She lets out a sigh as she avoids eye contact with the man in front of her. "Right, of course you're sorry."

Realizing that his chances of reconciliation are slipping before his eyes, Mark desperately tries to hold on. "Lex, please," he says, his body moving forward instinctively. "Can we talk about this?"

Lexie looks up at him, unshed tears in her eyes as she shakes her head. "I thought I could do this but–" Her voice breaks and she lets out a shaky breath, trying to regain control over her feelings. "I can't do this. I-I'm sorry to have bothered you…"

When she tries to move past him, Mark reaches out, his hand grabbing her arm. "Lexie, stop," he says quickly. Thankful that she doesn't try to remove her arm from his grip, Mark moves closer to her, his body looming over her small frame. Slowly, softly, his fingers run down her arm as he mutters, "Stop, Lex. I need to speak to you. _Please_."

Lexie swallows the lump in her throat as her eyes flutter close at the feel of his fingers running over her arm. It feels like years since he had last touched her, held her, made love to her and right now, that is all Lexie wants. Right now, it doesn't matter that he hurt her and bruised and shattered her heart because right now, he was here and he was ready and perfect and really, what was stopping her?

But then, as always, the voice at the back of head reminds her that she can't do this, she shouldn't let her body control her life.

She deserves better than him.

_Supposedly._

Lexie shakes her head slowly as she shakily asks the question that has been lingering at the back of her mind. "You still consider her a friend, don't you?" The question lingers between them and Lexie nearly laughs as his silence speaks for him. Of course. What did she think? He would stop seeing her; he would stop looking to her for advice and comfort when he most needed it?

Lexie shakes her head again and she whispers, "I don't think I can handle it." And at first she isn't specific because really, she can't handle any of this–his relationship with Callie, her feelings for him, his feelings for her.

But Lexie lets out a breath and tries to focus on the first reason. "I-It's stupid really, and selfish, but I can't be with you knowing that you're still friends with her and that's probably never going to change because she's your best friend and there's nothing I can do to stop that and I'm sorry I'm being selfish but…" She trails off when her throat begins to constrict and it's harder for her to breathe steadily.

"I just can't do this, Mark," Lexie whispers. "I thought I could, but I…it-It's too much."

Mark shakes his head at her defeated tone and moves even closer to her, his feet touching hers, his head lowered close to the side of her face. "I miss you," he whispers and unable to control himself any longer, Mark carefully places a kiss to the spot right below her ear.

With her eyes closed, Lexie's eyelashes flutter slightly when she feels his lips brush against her skin. "Don't," she murmurs, and unsurprisingly, her voice lacks her determination from earlier.

Mark uses this to his advantage. "I miss you so much more than I thought I would," he mutters against her skin as he trails his lips down her neck, pressing soft kisses along the way.

"I miss talking to you," he whisper as his kisses the underside of her jaw. "I miss waking up to you." His arms move to wrap around her waist before he presses his body against her. Mark places kisses along her chin, inching slowly up towards her lips before he pauses, his lips resting at the corner of her mouth, when he whispers, "I miss _everything_ and if I could take it back, I would, Lexie, because I love you, I love you so much."

It takes her a moment to control the thumping of her heart and the racing of her mind, but eventually Lexie lets out a shaky breath and her whisper falls against his lips, "Don't do this, Mark."

She is about to pull away from him when Mark suddenly turns and before either realizes what is happening, his lips are on hers and instead of stopping, Mark pushes forward, his lips moving swiftly over hers.

Luckily, she responds.

Her mouth moves over his and with a new desperation she clings to him, clings to the familiarity and the lingering hope between their lips.

For a brief moment it is as if nothing happened. He hasn't slept with Callie and she hasn't been nursing a broken heart because he's touching her, his tongue moving with hers and it causes her heart to clench in relief because this is what life should be like, this is what she wants, needs, craves and this is what she deserves.

For thirty seconds, it is as if nothing else exists except for _them_.

But then, as usual, the world comes crashing back, her memories tormenting her, shouting at her not to do this to herself, her common sense punching her into action.

And so Lexie shoves him away, her hands forceful against his chest.

Mark stumbles, and stares at her for a moment and it breaks his heart to see the tears slowly trickle down her porcelain face. "Lex," he says quietly, unsure of how to get out of the bigger mess he had made.

"Don't."

Her voice is sharp despite it being heavy with tears. She stares at him, her eyes glassy and wide, and the fire is back, a small, dull flame behind her eyes, but it is there and Mark knows he should be careful.

"You can't keep avoiding this," he says, his voice as broken as his heart.

Lexie lifts her head a fraction higher as she replies, "I'm not."

"You haven't been near me in over two weeks, Lex." Mark shakes his head as he sighs, "You turn around when you see me in hallways; you duck into closets when you think I'm not looking. You're avoiding me and damn it, I want this to stop."

The fire behind her words is evident as she snaps, "Well, this isn't about what _you_ want."

Mark lets out an aggravated breath. "You can't hold this against me, I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"

And finally, Lexie snaps. Her words vibrate through the room as her arms lash out as she shouts, "I want you to _mean_ it!"

Unable to control his anger, Mark screams back at her, "I do!"

"No, you don't!" Lexie seethes, her shaky finger pointing at him as she shouts, "If you really meant it, you wouldn't still be friends with her! Don't you see she's caused enough hurt already?"

Mark shakes his head automatically. "Don't blame her, Lexie; I was a part of this too."

"Well, I know that," Lexie spits out with a roll of her eyes. Letting out an aggravated sigh, she shakes her head and waves a hand at the door behind him. "Look, let's just let this go, okay?"

"You're just giving up?"

His voice is a mixture of astonishment, disgust and regret, and suddenly Lexie has the urge to punch him in the face. "Yes," she says as she stares at him, her steely gaze not leaving his.

Mark lets out a noise of disgust as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I never pegged you as a quitter."

Lexie rolls her eyes and as she brushes past him, she mutters, "And I never pegged you as a cheater because unlike everyone else, I had more faith in you." When she reaches his front door, Lexie turns around and stares at the man she still wanted but knew she could never have. Her anger is evident when she says, "I never believed the rumors, Mark. When I looked at you I didn't see a cheater or a player, I-I just saw Mark. I _believed_ in you."

The tears are back in her eyes but Lexie blinks them away and instead focuses on the hurt that is burning through her body. "I put _everything _into our relationship. I defended you and I trusted you and you know what? It was all for nothing. I thought you were different, I really thought you were different now, but I guess people were right. Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Hearing the words from her once beautiful, innocent mouth proves to be too much for Mark. Instead of recognizing that she was upset and in pain, Mark concentrates on the hatred that resides at the pit of his stomach. He doesn't know if it's Lexie, Callie or himself that he hates, but that doesn't matter at the moment, because all he can do is feel the anger squeeze his chest until he snaps, "Just leave, Lexie. Just get the fuck out of here and come and talk to me when you've calmed the fuck down."

With her jaw clenched and her eyes burning, Lexie looks at Mark for one last desperate moment before she lets out a shaky breath and turns around and opens his door.

She doesn't bother looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Merely borrowing.

**A/N:** Okay, so this is a bit long but honestly, Jackson/Lexie just flows so well. But don't worry, I'm still a die-hard Mark/Lexie fan (which will, hopefully, show more as this goes along!) Anyway, thanks for all the alerts and reviews, I appreciate the feedback! Let me know what you think! (:

* * *

When Jackson arrives at Joe's, worn out from working 38 hours straight, all he wants is to get drunk because during those tiring 38 hours, only one of his patients lived. It's pathetic and now, all Jackson wanted was to get rid of the images of the ones who had fallen on his watch. He needed to get their pale faces, splattered with red and dried tears faces out of his mind, the sobs and groans and beeping still floating through his mind despite the loud noises that clung in the air of the bar.

When Jackson arrives at Joe's, what he doesn't expect to see is Lexie, slumped against the bar, three empty whiskey tumblers littering the counter around her. Jackson sighs and walks up to her, crossing his arms over his chest as he eyes up his friend.

"Lexie…" He starts, his voice low as he leans in, and watches as she brings the glass to her lips. He watches as she winces when the clear liquid touches her tongue and Jackson assumes that she's drinking vodka, or something equally lethal to a lightweight like Lexie.

Sighing, Jackson takes a seat next to her and as he watches her, it becomes obvious why she is drinking. "I'm assuming the talk didn't go well," he says as he indicates to Joe for a beer.

Lexie grunts slightly before she shakes her head slowly. "No, it didn't," she says quietly, and as he watches her Jackson realizes that she is shaking.

"Come on." Leaning closer, Jackson reaches out and carefully pulls the glass away from her.

Lexie watches as Jackson shakes his head at Joe who has placed a beer on the counter. Looking up at him, Lexie frowns, trying her best to concentrate. "What are you doing?" She mumbles, when he takes her by the arm.

"Taking you home."

Lexie makes a face to show her disagreement and pulls away from him, nearly falling off her stool in the process. "No," she grumbles, before reaching for her glass again, only for it to be pulled away by Jackson.

"You've had enough, Grey," Jackson says sternly before trying to get her up again.

Defiantly, Lexie pulls away from and hits Jackson on the forearm. "Leave me alone."

Jackson stares at her for a moment, slightly bewildered by her actions, before he sighs. "Fine," he barks. "Have it your way."

Lexie frowns when he takes a step back and turns away from her. "Wait," she mumbles under her breath. When he continues to walk away, Lexie raises her voice, "You're not meant to leave!"

Jackson looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head. Lexie Grey was going to be the death of him. Unable to resist, he slowly turns around to see Lexie sitting straight on her stool, her chest sticking outwards slightly in order to keep her balance. "Fine," Jackson says gruffly as he walks back to her. Taking his seat next to her, he firmly says, "But you're not allowed to drink anymore."

Lexie nods and raises her hand in mock salute. "You got it, boss."

Jackson rolls his eyes and he is tempted to grab the beer that Joe has left on the counter but instead he focuses on Lexie. "So, what did he say?"

The question causes Lexie's shoulders to slump and she quietly says, "My heart hurts."

"Sloan said that?"

If she wasn't in so much pain, Lexie would have laughed. "No," she mutters as she shakes her head. "I'm saying it. _My_ heart hurts. Everything hurts. So much."

Jackson eyes Lexie for a moment before he sighs and calls after Joe, "Give her another."

Swaying slightly, Lexie lets out a long sigh before she mumbles, "I didn't think it would hurt this much. I mean, seeing them together, seeing her touch him and kiss him, I-I thought that was it you know, that was all it needed for my heart to, to break because that hurt, that hurt so freaking much." Lexie pauses when Joe places a drink in front of her and fumbling slightly, she takes a long drag from it before sighing and waving her arms around when she squeaks, "B-But then, I talked to him and, and he just completely broke my heart again because he's still with her!"

Lexie pauses again to take a drink before she blinks forcefully. "Not _with_, with her but they're still friends. Friends! That lying, cheating, _lesbian_ is still friends with that, that lying, cheating, manwhore!" Lexie tilts slightly to one side when she blinks and her eyes remain shut. "It hurts so much," she mumbles miserably.

Jackson lets out a heavy sigh before he moves closer to Lexie so that her head now rests on his shoulder. Looking down at her, when Jackson sees that her eyes are closed, he takes this as his opportunity to slowly edge her drink out of her reach. Picking up his own beer, Jackson takes a drink before he contemplates what to say. Nothing he said would really make a difference so Jackson settles on a phrase he has been repeating frequently to Lexie.

"I'm sorry, Lex," he says quietly to her as he wraps an arm around her waist.

"Me too," Lexie says in her dejected, tiny voice.

This causes Jackson to frown. "You didn't do anything wrong. Sloan's the dick."

Lexie lets out a groan before hauling herself off Jackson. Yet again, she waves her arms in the air as she stresses, "I trusted him. I-I got sucked into his, his stupid lies and, and bed and I-I shouldn't have believed him!"

"You couldn't have helped it, Lex. You love him," Jackson reasons, in that reasonable-sensible-I'm-smarter-than-you tone that Lexie hated.

"No," Lexie states as she shakes her head frantically. "I _loved_ him. I _loved_ him. Love-d, love-d…love-d him. Hear that d noise? Because, it's the past tense. _Past_ tense."

Jackson quirks an eyebrow at her but decides not to make fun of her. She was drunk, after all. "So," he starts as she drops her head back onto his shoulder. "You're really telling me you can let go that easily?"

Lexie shifts so that she is face down on his shirt before she mumbles, "Yes."

"Uh-huh," Jackson drawls, not believing her. When Jackson hears Lexie groan, he rolls his eyes and sighs. "Okay, you've definitely had enough for one night." At first, he tries to slide his shoulder away from her but when Lexie grunts and wraps her arms around his waist, Jackson sighs again. "I'm taking you home, Grey," he says sternly as he looks down at her. "Now get up."

Lexie only squeezes him tighter.

"Grey," Jackson starts. "I said get up. You're going home now."

Lexie is silent at first before she lets out a growl and rips herself away from Jackson. Holding up one finger, Lexie points at him, her eyes squinted, before she suddenly shoves her finger into his chest. "That's another problem!" She says, and with every word, she jabs him in the chest with her finger. "I don't even have a home. No-one wants me; no-one ever wanted me."

Her words would have held more weight, Jackson thought, if she wasn't stabbing him with her finger and completely wasted. Rolling his eyes at Joe who passes by with a raised eyebrow, Jackson looks down at Lexie and mutters, "Drama queen, much?" When Lexie doesn't respond, her eyes firmly fixed on his chest, Jackson stands from his seat and grabs onto Lexie's hand.

"Lexie," Jackson says as he tries to pull her up but even drunk, Lexie remains stubborn and doesn't move from her seat. "Lexie, are you still staying with Meredith?"

"Yes," she replies as she tries to push Jackson's hands away. Eventually, she gives in and lets Jackson pull her up from her seat and stumbles slightly into his chest. Groaning into his t-shirt, Lexie places both of her palms on either side of his chest and grunts, "Though she doesn't want me there, not really, because she's all look at me, I'm happily married and I know what I want with my life because I have McFreakingDreamy and, and who wants the depressed spinster there?" Slamming her head into his chest, Lexie moans, "I'm going to be alone forever."

"Hey," Jackson murmurs as he wraps his arms around her waist. "You're not going to be alone forever."

Pushing her head away from him, Lexie looks up at him with narrowed eyes and a pout on her lips. "And how would _you_ know that? Do you even _have_ a girlfriend?"

No, he didn't, because it seems that the woman he wanted didn't want him, and Jackson really didn't need reminding of that fact. Pulling away from Lexie, he fishes for his wallet only for Joe to raise his hand and mouth the word 'tab' and point at Lexie. Nodding his head, Jackson focuses on Lexie, who resting heavily against the bar. Holding out his hand, Jackson asks patiently, "Where does Meredith live?"

Lexie shakes her head and refuses his hand. When she pushes herself off the bar, she sways and slumps back against it. Looking at Jackson's hand, she rolls her eyes and slaps her hand against his. As he pulls her out of the bar, Lexie says loudly, "You're lonely just like me, you know. You don't even have a girlfriend, I mean at least I had someone, so he cheated on me but it was something but…" Lexie stops and shakes her head as she bumps into someone on her way through the crowded bar. Moving closer to Jackson, she links her arm in his and states, "We're going to alone forever, we can be alone together!"

Finally, they reach outside and Jackson quickly pulls her towards his car. When Jackson abruptly lets go of her, Lexie frowns and slumps against the car. She is about to ask him what's wrong when he turns to her and places his hands on her thigh. "W-W-What are you doing?" She asks, though she doesn't stop him from patting her thighs.

Jackson would laugh at her worried look if he wasn't concentrating so hard. Finally locating what he wanted in her jacket pocket, Jackson pulls out her cell phone and holds it up triumphantly. "Taking your phone," he says easily before he begins to scroll down until he hits Meredith's name.

Quickly dialing the number, Jackson waits patiently for Meredith to answer before he clears his throat and says, "Er, hey, Meredith, this is Jackson. Lexie's with me, she's been drinking and I need to take her back to yours but she's not really in the right state to give me directions, so I was–" When Meredith interrupts, telling him she'll come and get Lexie, Jackson rolls his eyes and stresses, "No, it's fine, I can bring her back. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm _sure_," Jackson repeats sternly and sighs, which causes Lexie to giggle next to him. He smiles slightly when Meredith begins to give him the directions, "Okay, okay, yeah, I think I'll remember. She will be. Bye."

Flipping the cell shut, Jackson places it back into Lexie's pocket and takes her hand again, easily pulling her away from the car. "Come on darling," he murmurs gently as he opens the passenger door and slowly ushers her in.

Resting her head against the headrest, Lexie sighs as Jackson buckles her in. Just as he is about to pull away from her, she places her small hands on his forearm and says in fascination, "You have really big arms." Slowly, she moves her hands over the exposed skin before muttering, "Like Mark."

Slightly annoyed that he was being compared to that dick, Jackson grunts and removes his arm from Lexie's reach. "Wonderful," he mutters before standing up and shutting the door before rounding the car and opening the driver's door. Once in, Jackson starts the engine and glances at Lexie who is staring at him with her usual wide eyed look.

When Jackson raises his eyebrow at her, Lexie narrows her eyes slightly as if she's come to a silent conclusion about the man in front of her. As they begin to drive in the direction of Meredith's house, Lexie says quietly, "You're sarcastic like him. But…your eyes are prettier."

Jackson doesn't know why, but thinking that Lexie regards him as somewhat pretty causes his stomach to lurch in a good way. Without looking over at Lexie, Jackson replies simply, "Uh-huh."

As the minutes go by, Lexie closes her eyes and leans into the warmth of the car chair. Then, without opening her eyes, she asks quietly, "Jackson?"

He doesn't respond immediately as he focuses on remembering which turning led to Meredith's house, but after he takes the correct turning, Jackson responds just as quietly, "Yeah, Grey?"

A soft sigh escapes her lips before her broken voice whispers, "Is it always going to be like this?"

He doesn't even need to think about his answer.

"No," he whispers as he pulls up in front of Meredith's house. Turning off the engine, Jackson looks over at Lexie's still body, her breaths coming out deep and even, and he smiles softly. Leaning over, he gently pushes a stray hair away from her eyes.

For her sake, he hoped he was right.

* * *

The next morning, Lexie stumbles into the kitchen, her eyes red and puffy. When she sits down next to Meredith, she slams her head on the kitchen table. "I feel like crap," she grumbles into the table, her dry lips rubbing against the wooden surface.

Meredith nods before taking a sip from her coffee. "You look like it, too."

"Thanks," Lexie grumbles before slowly pulling herself up.

They sit in silence, Lexie occupying herself by pouring a mug of coffee and groaning every thirty seconds.

Finally, Meredith asks, "Are you going to talk to him?"

It doesn't take a genius to realize who she is referring to.

Lexie's voice is like stone when she replies, "No."

"Lexie," Meredith sighs and shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "Derek said–"

And before she has the chance to finish, Lexie walks away.

* * *

Loudly throwing a file onto the table, Derek takes a seat opposite Mark. "Talk to her."

Immediately frowning, Mark looks down at the work in front of him and grumbles, "I tried."

"Try harder."

Mark rolls his eyes. "Yeah, thanks for these pep talks, Derek, they _really_ help."

Derek sighs and leans forward, his forearms resting on the table. "She's miserable, Mark. You know that and I know that but she won't admit it." When Mark says nothing, Derek adds, "You're as stubborn as each other."

Mark shakes his head and looks up. "Hey, I tried to talk to her," he says defensively which causes Derek to raise an eyebrow.

"She was the one that came to you."

"And then she was the one that refused to work through this shit," Mark barks. Suddenly aggravated by the conversation, he closes the file in front of him and growls, "_She_ was the one that gave up."

Derek stares at Mark, unable to believe that his best friend could be such an idiot at times. "You haven't gone to see her," he reminds him, his voice showing his slight disbelief over the situation. "Now who's the one giving up?"

* * *

When Lexie opens the door to see Mark staring at her, she is momentarily shocked. But then, the shock wears off and there is nothing left. There is no anger, no hope, or wanting. Lexie shakes her head, her tiredness showing as she murmurs, "No."

Lexie is about to shut the door when Mark quickly places his hand on the door frame, his body leaning forward. "Don't," he says, his voice only slightly stronger than hers. "Don't."

Lexie stares at him before her eyes slowly move to look at his hand, large and overbearing next to the faded paint of Meredith's doorway. "You have your hand on the door frame."

"Yes."

She sighs and shakes her head slowly. "I can't shut the door unless you remove your hand." Her eyes flick up to meet his before she firmly states, "Remove your hand, Dr. Sloan."

He leans in further. "No."

For what it's worth, Lexie doesn't move back. She lets him lean closer, allows his shadow to overcome her because although she wants him gone, the familiarity of his body so close to hers seemed to make this situation better.

But, Lexie reminds herself, she must not get caught up in him.

Not again.

"Mark," Lexie says, her fatigue evident. "I don't want to have this conversation."

He shakes his head slightly and smiles without humor. "Too bad."

Something snaps within Lexie. For once, couldn't he just do what she wanted?

"You said to come and talk to you when I've calmed the fuck down," Lexie says, sudden venom in her voice. Her stare is hard when she states, "I haven't calmed down."

She is about to close the door when Mark moves closer, his foot inching towards hers. "I changed my mind," he says airily. Mark watches as she glares at him and he gives her a weak smile. They both know he is treading on thin ice, but Mark realizes that if he doesn't try everything now, he'll only regret it.

"Can I come in?" His voice is soft, and it reminds Lexie of better times–times she wished she could forget, but knows that her mind and heart and body will never let go of.

She wants to let him in.

Or at least, she thinks she wants to.

But then, there's that voice again, whispering at the back of her mind, at the bottom of her heart, in a dark, forgotten corner.

He'll cheat again, you can't trust him, don't trust him, you deserve better than this, he deserves better than you, you know that, he knows that, but he won't leave you alone, you're attracted to him, some sick addiction that you know you should kick.

Kick him, get rid of him, don't do this to yourself, don't, don't, _don't_.

And suddenly, Lexie has the strength to look Mark directly in the eye and say, "No."

Perhaps she doesn't mean it and perhaps she will regret it later but for now, Lexie shakes her head and with clear determination says, "Move your hand."

Of course, Mark doesn't think she is being serious.

"No."

Lexie sighs heavily and states seriously, "It'll get squashed."

Mark gives her a half shrug, "I'm fine with that."

She shuts the door.

* * *

Lexie is sitting alone at Joe's, waiting for Jackson, when she notices Derek across the room sitting with…

Her heart sinks at the sight of his leather jacket and painfully defined cheekbones.

She would ignore him; Lexie decides and proceeds to look up at the cracked ceiling instead. She could do this, so they were in the same bar, so what? She had slammed his hand in the door last night, she was above him, she was better than him, yeah, she was better than him!

No, Lexie really wasn't convinced.

Sighing, Lexie looks down at her beer bottle and begins to peel away the label as she tries to not think about Mark freakin' Sloan. She had better things to think about. Medicine, Lexie thinks triumphantly, yes, medicine and surgeries and helping people was a lot more important than stupid, cheating Mark Sloan.

But then, as usual, the image of being in the OR manifests into being in an On-Call room with Mark and once again, Lexie is back to the beginning.

Somehow, Mark had scratched himself into her so deep that Lexie couldn't–and probably never would–get rid of him.

Sighing in defeat, Lexie takes a sip from her beer and then turns her head when she feels someone stop next to her. Looking up, she smiles when Jackson greets her and leans down to pull her into a quick hug. "Move up, then," he says cheerfully as he places his beer on the table.

Once settled, Lexie skips formalities – they had become too close friends for her to have to be polite to him – and launches into the story of what had happened last night, how Mark had come to see her and how she had sent him away and how that was a bad decision.

"I-I didn't know what to do," Lexie says miserably as she taps her fingers against the table restlessly. "And where the hell were you today? I'm surprised I didn't explode today from not telling you sooner and–" Lexie breaks off and covers her face with her hands. "I slammed his hand in the door. Oh God, I could have broken his hand."

A smirk quirks the corner of his lips and Jackson shakes his head slowly. Although he knew he should be taking the situation seriously, Jackson couldn't help but find Lexie's genuine concern and nervous manner amusing. Slowly, he brings his drink to his lips and murmurs, "I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration, Grey."

Lexie shakes her head frantically, before taking a long drink from her beer. Her eyes are wide when the words trip out of her mouth. "It's probably bruised. God, what was I thinking?"

"He got his hand out, right?" Jackson asks and when Lexie bobs her head in conformation, Jackson shrugs, "So, it's a bit bruised, I'm sure he'll live."

Pulling away from her straw, Lexie licks her lips nervously and says thoughtfully, "I guess. But…Maybe I should have let him in."

Her statement lingers in the air between them and Jackson is tempted to tell her that she is wrong and stupid, that she should never let him in because he deserves to suffer after what he did to her, but he knows she doesn't want to hear that. So, like the good friend that he is, Jackson shrugs and says lightly, "Maybe."

Lexie nods in agreement before she stops and sighs, "B-But I don't know what I would have said to him…"

"You could have let him talk," Jackson suggest reasonably. "He probably has something prepared."

Lexie is silent at first but then it sinks in because of course Jackson was right. Mark definitely had a speech planned, a list of reasons of why they should be together, a list telling her why they should fight for their relationship. Of course, Jackson was right. "Probably," Lexie responds as she slowly nods her head. Biting her lip, Lexie pauses before nervously asking, "Jackson?"

"Yeah?"

Lexie doesn't respond immediately, obviously struggling to find the right words, but then she blurts out, "Is it wrong that I enjoyed slamming his hand in my door?"

Jackson laughs and it makes Lexie blush bright red. "No, Grey," he chuckles before he raises his bottle. They clink their bottles together in a toast before Jackson smirks, "He hurt you, this was just a bit of pay back."

* * *

Mark stares at her from across the room, his eyes determined, his hand firmly attached to the whiskey tumbler in his hand. His eyes narrow slightly and he lets out a breath.

He could do this.

It was simple.

Get up, go over, talk.

Simple.

"Okay," Mark announces before finishing off his drink. Slamming down the glass, he continues to stare at Lexie when he states, "I'm going to talk to her."

Derek watches Mark before slowly turning his gaze to Lexie. "Good," Derek replies with a short nod.

"Okay," Mark mutters as he watches Lexie sitting alone, nursing her beer bottle. "Okay…"

Rolling his eyes, Derek nudges Mark slightly. "You're going to have to move, you know."

Mark nods absently, sudden nerves biting away in his chest. "Yeah," he grumbles. "Just…Give me a moment."

The sound of the door opening and closing goes unnoticed to Mark as he stares at Lexie with determination. He was going to move. He was going to get up and talk to her, tell her that she was wrong to think he didn't still love her and that he wanted her, wanted her so badly that just looking at her made his heart constrict in pain because this was too much, how could he be with her every day at the hospital but never actually be with her? He was going to put a stop to this. Really, he was going to move right about–

Why the fuck is Jackson fucking Avery touching Lexie?

Mark nearly crosses the bar to punch him square on the jaw when Jackson invades his view of Lexie, the man standing next to her seat, his body leaning over to hug her. Mark's eyes narrow when the hug finishes – it lasted far too long for a just friend's hug in Mark's mind.

Sudden anger grips him as he squeezes his drink tighter. "What's the deal with them?" Mark grunts as he glares at Jackson who is now completely obstructing his view of Lexie.

Derek frowns and looks around the bar. "With who?"

"Avery," Mark spits, the name burning its way through his tongue and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Oh," Derek responds in surprise. Shrugging, Derek offers, "I guess they're friends…" When he looks over and notices Mark's jaw clench, Derek sighs and asks weakly, "Are you going to talk to her?"

They both know the answer before Mark slams his drink onto the table and grunts.

"I changed my mind."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Merely borrowing.

**A/N:** Thanks everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter! I love hearing your take on this (: I know I said this was going to be a two-shot, so really you shouldn't believe me when I say this, but seriously, only one more chapter left until the end (I think!) I'm trying to find a way to finish this that will satisfy both Mark/Lexie fans and Lexie/Jackson fans, because I think I've fallen for Jackson myself, so I want to be nice to the poor guy. More Jackson love! Anyway, no more silliness; I hope this is okay, I'm still a bit unsure of how it turned out, so please, let me know what you think! (:

* * *

It is the first time Mark has sex since Callie, since Lexie found out, since he fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him.

It's strange and different and he doesn't care much for it but he does it regardless because right now, he needed to feel something besides anger and jealousy and regret. He needs to get the image of Avery hugging Lexie out of his mind and so he looks down at the blond below him and fucks the image out of his head.

After the woman leaves – he never bothered asking her name – Mark closes his eyes and sees them. Avery, Lexie, sitting together and laughing and unconsciously, Mark's jaw locks up and he clenches his fists. Perhaps he is being unreasonable and maybe Derek is right, maybe they are _just friends_, but then, Mark thinks, he and Lexie started as _just friends_.

Slipping into a restless sleep, Mark dreams of Lexie. For a while, everything is perfect. She smiles at him and touches him and kisses him and this is what Mark wants, this is the Lexie he needs, not the broken woman he faces in his reality, the reality he caused.

But then, everything is disrupted by a pair of tanned arms wrapping around Lexie's waist, pulling her away from him.

Mark's eyes snap open. His pager goes off a second later.

Rolling out bed, Mark makes a vow that if Jackson fucking Avery crosses his path tonight, the kid was going down.

Mark wasn't giving up, not yet.

* * *

She is on his service and briefly a thought flutters across Mark's mind and he is tempted to unload her on someone else but then, a voice at the back of his mind tells him to grow the fuck up (it must be a twisted coincidence that is sounds like Callie).

Lexie only talks to him when necessary and finds any excuse to leave any rooms he is in. He doesn't ask her to scrub in on the surgery and she looks almost relieved.

Mark is about to leave that night when he sees her sitting alone in the locker room and something causes him to pause. He looks down at his hand and immediately decides to ignore the fading bruising that Lexie caused. He deserved it, he knows that.

Taking a deep breath, Mark knocks on the doorframe and when she doesn't outwardly respond, he slowly walks into the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey," he says quietly, and it is then that Lexie responds. Her back straightens and she visibly tenses, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't look at him, and Mark isn't that surprised. "How're you?"

The question is pathetic, he knows that, but he needs to say something to fill the awkward silence that is threatening to consume them. Mark watches as Lexie gives a small shrug and replies quietly, "Fine."

It's a lie. They both know that, but he doesn't pry.

Instead, Mark moves to sit down at the other end of the bench, his face turned to look at her. Taking in her pale face and tired eyes, Mark wants to pull her into his warmth but refrains. He didn't want to make her angry, the last time that happened; his hand got slammed in a door.

Mark is about to ask her why she is still here, when Lexie's low voice asks, "Are you still seeing her?"

Mark doesn't need to ask who she is referring to. It's obvious, a bit too painfully obvious.

"No," Mark says. "Not in the way you think I am."

Lexie knows she should be pleased with his answer – after all it meant he wasn't sleeping with Callie – but his answer just showed her that there was a place in his heart that she could never touch. Before this had happened, before it seemed like she had lost everything, she didn't care that they were best friends. Of course, it had annoyed her at the start because regardless of Callie's sexuality, walking around nearly naked in front of Mark was completely uncalled for. It caused Lexie to feel insecure and at first, she told herself that she had nothing to worry about. She shouldn't care, because Mark didn't care. But now Lexie thinks dimly, she had a reason to feel insecure. She had a valid reason to feel insecure around Callie because at the end of it, it had happened.

They had slept together.

And now, Mark was still seeing her. He was still friends with her. After all of that, he was still comfortable with her. She was still clutching at the far corners of his heart, a place where Lexie will never reach, and that thought alone caused a fire to rage through her.

Lexie shakes her head in disbelief before she stands up from her seat. She looks down at Mark and for a moment, seeing him look up at her with an expression that conveyed all of his emotions, Lexie is tempted to pull him into a hug and never let him go. She didn't want this, she didn't want to be alone and away from him, but it was unfair of her to have to bargain her way back into a relationship with him. She couldn't stand to be with him if he was still that close with Callie, because in Lexie's mind it was all too clear – if they were still friends, they would cheat again. And Lexie's fragilely repaired heart couldn't handle that.

For once, she was allowed to be selfish.

Lexie makes her way to the door before she pauses and turns around. She watches as Mark stands up and when he opens his mouth to speak, Lexie whispers, "And that's the way it's always going to be, isn't it?"

_Yes._

The response comes automatically to Mark, but he doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want it to be true, he doesn't want to ruin any hope of making things right with Lexie, but what was he supposed to do? Callie was his best friend. Sure, he could lie to Lexie, but he didn't want to rebuild their relationship on lies.

Mark's face reflects the steel in his voice as he calmly, and almost painfully says, "Yes."

And that's it.

That is all it takes for Lexie to turn her back on any hope of a relationship with Mark Sloan.

* * *

They don't speak for three weeks.

Lexie ignores him at the hospital, and trades places with anyone willing when she has to be on his service. Jackson reminds her that she's being immature and stupid, but Lexie doesn't care. She can't handle it. She can't stand the sight of him.

He does try to speak to her, though. Nearly every night at Joe's, Mark begins walking towards her but when Lexie looks up and sees him, Mark pauses, stares at her, and then swiftly turns on his heel and walks back in the opposite direction.

He doesn't want to disturb her. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, so although he tries, something always stops him. It's a nagging voice at the back of his mind that tells him he shouldn't waste his time on her, that he was better than her, and that there were plenty of other willing women in Seattle.

What was so special about Lexie fucking Grey?

Although Mark thinks that voice is an idiot, he continues to listen to it.

And so for three weeks, Lexie and Mark don't speak.

* * *

One night, Meredith convinces Lexie to stay at home to have dinner with her and Derek. On the rare occasions that they all have a night off, Lexie somehow always manages to make an escape to have dinner and a couple of drinks with Jackson. Playing gooseberry to the married couple never was high on Lexie's to-do list.

This night however, Meredith has cornered Lexie before she has the chance to escape. "But Mere," Lexie begins, sounding like a child, "I told Jacks–"

"Lexie," Meredith cuts her off, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm pulling the bigger sister card," she states as she walks up to Lexie and takes her jacket and car keys from her. "You're not seeing Jackson, you're going to be nice and have dinner with your sister and brother-in-law!"

When Meredith smiles triumphantly and walks away towards the kitchen, Lexie narrows her eyes at her sister's retreating back. Oh, _now_ she wants family time, Lexie thinks dryly as she sighs and pulls out her cell phone. Quickly texting an apology to Jackson, Lexie makes sure to add in that her sister is a 'happy, crazy lunatic.'

Sliding her phone into her jeans pocket, Lexie looks up to see Derek bounce down the stairs. "Hey Derek," she says as she passes him to walk towards the kitchen.

"Oh hey Lexie," Derek says as he follows her. He pauses when they enter the kitchen to see Meredith at the counter, slowly chopping carrots. Frowning, Derek turns to Lexie, "I thought you were going to see Jackson?"

"No, she is not," Meredith says as she points a carrot at Lexie. Dropping the carrot onto the table, Meredith rolls up her sleeves and says, "She's staying for dinner. Family dinner."

Lexie looks at Derek and when he raises his eyebrow, Lexie looks back at Meredith and asks timidly, "Y-You…aren't cooking, are you Mere?"

Straightening slightly, Meredith narrows her eyes at Lexie. "Of course I am, and that's why you have to stay for dinner." Looking down, Meredith continues her work as she says, "You've been so miserable what with this Mark situation and I thought, seeing as we all have the night off, we can have a nice family dinner to cheer you up."

Lexie is about to make a comment about food poisoning when Derek laughs and moves to stand behind Meredith. Slowly pulling the knife away from her, he kisses the top of her head before muttering, "Move over."

Sighing in relief, Lexie rolls up her own sleeves and moves to help Derek, effectively cutting Meredith off from any kitchen utensils. Looking up at her sister, Lexie motions to the kitchen stool. "Go on, sit down. We've got this."

As Meredith watches Lexie smile with Derek as she begins to chop an onion, a small smile creeps onto her features.

Family dinner.

* * *

The doorbell rings just as they sit down to dinner, causing Derek to frown. "Now what?"

Meredith shrugs and motions to Lexie. "You can get that," she says sweetly before she starts eating, which causes Lexie to roll her eyes.

Lexie is tempted to argue that Meredith is closest to the door, but she refrains. Getting up from her seat, Lexie makes her way to door and when she opens it, she is tempted to slam it shut automatically.

This was some serious déjà vu.

Scratching the back of his neck, Mark smiles sheepishly. "Hi."

Lexie opens her mouth and then closes it when no sound comes out. Clearing her throat, she leans against the doorframe nervously. "W-What are you doing here?"

"Er…Meredith…She er, invited me for dinner," Mark says and when Lexie's eyes widen, Mark realizes that Meredith failed to mention this to Lexie. "I-I'm sorry, she said you had gone out for the night because if I knew…"

_I wouldn't have come._

The words float between them and Lexie doesn't know whether to be thankful or offended.

"Lexie!"

The sound of Meredith's voice causes Lexie to roll her eyes. Looking up at Mark, she smiles apologetically. "Sometimes, I really hate her."

Mark chuckles slightly. "Yeah, well, I don't blame you."

Smiling slightly, Lexie pulls away and motions for him to come in. "Come on then, we wouldn't want the food to get cold."

* * *

After a painfully slow dinner, Lexie escapes into the kitchen to do the dishes. She doesn't speak to Meredith when she offers her apologies. When Meredith huffs and walks away, Lexie smiles slightly. She's not angry; not really, she just liked watching Meredith grovel.

For what it was worth, the dinner had been relatively calm, long–far too long for Lexie's liking–and awkward most of the time, but it was bearable. It was…

Lexie wants to say nice, but she thinks that's being far too hopeful.

"Hey, let me help you."

Coming up behind her, Mark nudges her slightly, making Lexie stumble and nearly drop the plate she's holding. Shaking her head automatically, Lexie smiles slightly when he begins to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. "It's fine, really."

Blatantly ignoring her, Mark easily takes the plate from her and begins to run it under the flowing tap. "I'm here now," he replies simply. He doesn't look at her when he remarks, "You can go now."

She doesn't want to, not really, she wants to help him because this is what they did before. Of course, back then it would end with Lexie's shirt drenched with soapy water, her back pushed against the kitchen counter as Mark proceeded to slide the wet material from her body.

But that was in the past.

Now, she could leave. She didn't need to stay in here with him. Really, he was trying to deflate the awkwardness from their situation by telling her to go, and perhaps Lexie should be thankful, but…

"It's okay," Lexie says quietly as she wipes her hand on a dishcloth. "I'll do the drying," she says, reaching out to take the now clean plate from Mark's hand.

With her head down, Lexie doesn't catch the smile on Mark's face as he waits to hand her another plate.

* * *

The next day, Mark is in the elevator with Derek, not really paying attention to what the other man is saying, when the doors open and Lexie walks in, her face partially covered by her hair as she reads the file in her hand.

"Hey Lex," Derek says, causing Lexie's head to shoot up in surprise.

"Oh," she squeaks, before chuckling slightly. Her eyes dart between Derek and Mark as she smiles. "Hi."

Smiling slightly, Derek glances quickly to Mark, who has taken to staring at the numbers above the door. When the doors open again, Derek takes this as his cue to leave. He can walk up the stairs instead.

Encased by silence, Lexie watches out of the corner of her eye as Mark's eyes remain steady on the elevator numbers. She wants to say something, something casual and friendly, something to show Mark that she isn't mad at him anymore, and that after he had gone home last night, she had spent a long time thinking about their situation, and really, she isn't angry at him anymore. It still hurt, but then Lexie thinks it will always hurt, a dull throb at the pit of her heart, but now, it was…bearable. She didn't want to punch him or cry or shout, she just…missed him. Lexie knows now that she misses talking to him, she misses hugging him and well, she just _misses_ him.

Even though Lexie wants to say something, the elevator, the world's slowest elevator, somehow reaches her floor before she has worked up the confidence to speak.

When she sighs and exits the elevator, Mark frowns slightly.

When did the elevators in Seattle Grace Mercy West become fast?

* * *

Lexie waits for Jackson to exit a patient's room before she rushes up to him and blurts out, "I should talk to him."

Nodding his head, Jackson places the patient's file at the nurses' station before he begins walking towards the elevators. "Okay," he drawls slowly and then looks down at Lexie. "Lunch?"

Lexie doesn't respond to his request, far too troubled by her new found realization. Following him into the elevator, Lexie sighs and announces, "Okay. Okay…I'm going to talk to him."

"Sure," Jackson replies casually as he stares at the doors.

"Don't sound too enthused, Jackson," Lexie counters dryly. Leaning against the back wall, Lexie bites her thumb nail as she mutters, "I'm not angry with him anymore. Before…Just _seeing_ him made me angry but now…It's okay." Letting out a deep breath, Lexie drops her arm to her side and straightens slightly. "I-I think I'm over it."

Initially, Jackson wants to tell her that she is merely trying to believe a lie, but he doesn't speak. Jackson knows that despite Lexie's initial indecisiveness, if she really wanted something, Lexie would act upon her feelings, regardless of what he told her. If she wanted to talk to Sloan, there was nothing Jackson could do about it. The thought makes Jackson's stomach clench in the most unpleasant way.

Swallowing hard, Jackson looks down at Lexie who is frowning slightly, obviously going through the pros and cons in her mind. "If you're really sure, then you should do it, Lex," Jackson says quietly, causing Lexie to deflate slightly.

Looking up at him with wide eyes, Lexie bites the corner of her bottom lip as she asks, "What if he doesn't want to speak to me?"

Jackson cannot help the small chuckle that escapes his lips. "Really, Grey?" Shaking his head in dismay, Jackson watches as the elevator doors slide open and then motions for Lexie to leave. Once outside, Jackson nudges Lexie slightly before replying, "You're an idiot. Of course he wants to speak to you. He wouldn't be making the effort if he didn't." When Lexie frowns slightly, Jackson clarifies, "Have you not seen him at Joe's? The guy walks towards us, stops, and then turns around again. It's obvious he wants to talk to you, he's just too fucking afraid."

At first Lexie wants to defend Mark's actions, but truthfully, she knows that Mark is afraid, because she is afraid too. As they step into the lunchroom, Lexie stops mid-step at the sight of Mark at a table in the far corner with Owen and Teddy. Immediately, she steps closer to Jackson, in the vain hope that his body will cause her own to disappear from sight.

"Grey…" Jackson starts slowly before he grabs two trays and proceeds to place two sandwiches and juice boxes on each tray. Glancing at Lexie, who is fixed to his side, Jackson rolls his eyes before muttering, "He probably hasn't noticed you."

Craning her neck to the side, Lexie takes a quick look at Mark before her head snaps back to hide behind Jackson. "I can feel his eyes on me, Jackson," Lexie whispers harshly as she shuffles alongside him. When Jackson starts moving to a table in the middle of the room, Lexie squeaks and drags him in the opposite direction, the pair opting to sit at a table in the far corner of the room.

Sighing, Lexie sits down and ducks her head slightly, causing Jackson to rolls his eyes. "You're crazy," he mutters before he takes a bite of his sandwich. "Remind me why I'm still friends with you?"

"Because you love me," Lexie replies nonchalantly. Carefully glancing up, Lexie feels her heart slam in her chest when her eyes lock with Mark's.

"Fuck," she mutters before she looks down at her tray. Taking a deep breath, Lexie slowly unwraps her sandwich before she says, "I know I should talk to him because I've noticed, too. He thinks I don't notice him looking at me but I _do_, God, I do. I-It's like his eyes, they're always on me. Here, at Joe's…" Her voice lowers to a harsh whisper as she says, "I-It's all the time, Jackson. He's just there and it doesn't make me angry. I-I miss him. I-I want…" Breaking off, Lexie shakes her head and takes a large bite of her sandwich. Her head bops up and down slightly as she chews, her eyes narrowed, when finally, she comes to a conclusion. Looking up at Jackson, who is staring at her with an unreadable expression, Lexie states, "I should go over and talk to him."

Once again, Jackson's gut tightens and he has to take a large gulp from his juice box to push down his heart from his throat. "Okay," Jackson replies slowly, his eyes focused on Lexie's. "If you're sure."

Although her lips shake slightly, Lexie gives him a small nod and replies quietly, "I am."

Jackson chooses to ignore the pain that rips through his chest and instead focuses on his food. After a moment, he looks up to see Lexie staring at him, her forehead creased in concentration. Quirking up an eyebrow, Jackson drawls, "Isn't this the part where you're supposed to move?"

Lexie's mouth twitches slightly before she huffs, "I did move." Her eyes glance down at her hand which is resting on the table and then back up to Jackson. "My hand moved closer to the right." Shrugging her shoulder, Lexie sighs, "I'm getting there. I-I'll get there. Eventually."

Nodding slowly, Jackson lets out a low whistle before he takes another bite of his sandwich. "And hopefully you'll get there sometime this century."

"Shut up."

Jackson smirks at Lexie before he drops his sandwich. "Do you need picking up? Really, if you need the help, I will pick you up and drop you in front of him. Then, you guys can talk."

Lexie narrows her eyes at him, and if she didn't love them as much as she did, Lexie would have thrown her juice box at his head. "You're not being helpful, Jackson."

Jackson shrugs and leans back in his plastic chair. Folding his arms over his chest, he argues, "And you and this situation are not healthy. You want to talk to him, he wants to talk to you, so go over there and just do it. If you really want to sort out this mess out, then go over and talk to him now." When Lexie opens her mouth to reply, Jackson cuts her off effectively with his rough voice, "Stop complaining, Grey. You want him. I don't know why you would ever want to go near him again but," Jackson cuts himself off and sighs. "Look, just talk to him."

In the silence that follows, Lexie stares at Jackson and when her eyes drift to the side to look at Mark, Jackson slams his hand down on the table, causing Lexie to jump.

"And stop staring at him, Grey, it's like you're some psycho stalker."

Lexie's eyes widen in shock as she shrieks, "I am not!"

Letting out a snort, Jackson rolls his eyes and challenges her. "Then stop hiding in dark corners and go talk to him."


End file.
